


It Wasn't A Mistake

by Johnlocked24



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Fluff and Smut, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-02
Updated: 2016-08-02
Packaged: 2018-07-28 22:03:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 7,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7658437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Johnlocked24/pseuds/Johnlocked24
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been a month since Mary was killed by one of her many enemies. John is not doing well and finds he can no longer live in the house he shared with his late wife. He moves back to 221b with his old flatmate Sherlock. While John gets settled, Sherlock wonders how he can cheer him up before John's baby is brought to live with them. Turns out, Sherlock is quite good at comforting John. Repressed feelings awoken.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Old Familiar Places

“I moved your chair back in front of the kitchen and kept your belongings in your old bedroom,” said Sherlock in an even tone. She’s really gone, thought John. A small grunt was the only vocal response he made. It’s been a month since Mary had been killed by one of her many enemies of the past. John was left in a house that remained a ghost of his beloved wife. Every room looked of her and retained the smell of Claire-de-lalune perfume… Mary. John could barely look at his own daughter because of how closely she resembled her mother. Guilt rushed through him and his pain was becoming overwhelming again. As depression-fueled hair returned to his face, John knew he would have to make a change if not for him, then for the sake of his child.

It was Mycroft who first suggested the move. Like her wedding, Mary’s viewing was small and consisted of few friends, even less family members and those who came to support John. Mycroft had expressed his numbing condolences and on the way out remarked, “There’s still a room open at 221b if you’re interested… and John, you are interested.” His words lingered until finally John could no longer stay in the house that had become a Shrine of Mary.

John thought it best that his baby stay in the care of her grandparents while he settled in with his old friend. He still wasn’t completely sure this would be an appropriate place for a child to grow up, but he needed something familiar, something safe, even if it were only temporary. Sherlock watched as John cursed and rowed with the crib he attempted to assemble next to his new/old bed. He hesitantly moved toward the room, but John quickly slammed the door in his face. Sherlock wasn’t good with consoling people, especially someone who held in every emotion aside from anger. He viewed this new situation as a challenge and would attempt to face it head on. He had a week to come to some conclusion as to how he would help John face loss and single fatherhood. Sherlock was uncomfortable with having a baby around and knew John would only accept so much or so little of Mrs. Hudson’s help. He had to get John back on his feet, but how?


	2. Loss

After just two days of failing to get John to go on a case with him, Sherlock had become less confident in his abilities to help John. Mrs. Hudson was unhappy with the mess John would leave on and around his chair. It was the only place he had been eating and sleeping, but even those activities were rare. He had made a habit of sitting for hours without saying a word and did little else. In fact, he seemed and smelled as if he hadn’t had a wash in days. “John,” Sherlock said in his loud and irritated tone, “you need to take a shower and get out of the flat!” Sherlock wondered if this was the appropriate approach and felt it had been easier to dismantle Moriarty’s network than to fight John’s stubbornness. Maybe that’s what John normally felt about him. John told him to bugger off and out of frustration Sherlock called Lestrade telling him there was an emergency at 221b meaning his assistance was needed at once!

Lestrade rushed over with Donavon and his crew to find an irritated Sherlock curled up on the couch and John unresponsive watching crap telly. “Well, what’s the emergency!?” Lestrade’s temper began to rise. Without looking up, Sherlock quickly stretched out his arm and pointed to where John was sitting. “It seems they’ve had another domestic,” added Mrs. Hudson. After thoroughly lecturing Sherlock on the concept of an emergency to which Sherlock completely ignored, Lestrade sent his officers home and went over to John. “We understand you have been going through hell lately, but- “John snickered. Lestrade attempted to keep talking, “-But you need to- “John’s snicker turned into full blown laughter. Sherlock turned around to look at what seemed like the torn and broken version of his friend. “Something I said?” asked Lestrade. John lifted out of his chair and with a sarcastic smile said, “I just think it’s funny that either of you could possibly understand what I have been going through.” John laughed again, but instead of smiling his face became dark and cross. “I have seen and felt more pain than anyone should in a lifetime. Afghanistan was hell, but I made it back and found a life. Then you…” John looked at Sherlock now. “You were annoying, selfish and remarkably thick for a genius, but you were the greatest man I had ever met and I was actually happy with you. But you died.” Sherlock looked as if he were about to protest that last statement but John continued. “No, to me you died Sherlock. You have no idea what that felt like, and then Mary.” John stopped to catch his faltering breath. “She brought me back and showed me what it was like to love again and now she’s gone. The only one I have left is my child who I am scared to death will leave me too. You want me to go on and pretend all that didn’t matter then fine. I’ll go have a wash and clean up so that YOU don’t have to suffer.” John didn’t wait for a response. He went into the bathroom and slammed the door shut.

Sherlock remained silent as Lestrade prepared to leave. Before making his way downstairs he said, “There’s only so much loss a person can take Sherlock. Instead of forcing him to behave the way you like, try reminding him that he hasn’t lost everyone.”


	3. A Gentle Reminder

Another day went by and Sherlock was worried about his goddaughter coming home to a father who was still deep in grief. John had barely spoken to Sherlock since he had moved back into the flat, and even less since his outburst. The occasional yes, no and hmm was made audible from time to time, but Sherlock knew this was not good enough. Although Mary’s death was very difficult for him to take, he couldn’t help but feel some sort of excitement that his best friend was moving in with him again. There would be a baby yes, but there would still be John. They would go on cases together and eat at Angelo’s when they were sick of take away. In the past, John had always found a new girlfriend and when that didn’t work out Sherlock was always the one John came back to. Mary was different of course. He knew he wouldn’t be enough to fill the empty space that she had when he faked his own death. Sherlock still hoped though that John could find some happiness with him. Or maybe he was being selfish again. The words “[Mary] showed me what it was like to love again” replayed in his head. What did John mean by love again?

That night Sherlock, who was up late running experiments in the kitchen, heard light sobs coming from John’s bedroom. Sherlock knew how hurt John was, but he had rarely seen or heard him cry. John probably wanted to be alone, Sherlock thought. He went back to examining an ear that had been dissolving in chemicals for the last two days. He stopped again when he heard John taking a deep breath, clearly trying to calm himself. On the off chance Lestrade was actually right about something, Sherlock walked towards John’s bedroom hoping to show him that he wasn’t alone. Of course he had no idea what he should say, but nevertheless he knocked on John’s door.

Silence. Sherlock knocked again. “Go away,” said the voice behind the door. It was shaky and unstable. Sherlock took a deep breath and opened the door. He saw John sitting on the floor against his bed with his wedding album. He stared down at the photos without acknowledging Sherlock who was bending down to sit beside him. The room was so quiet, all that could be heard was John’s tear drops splashing on each page. Without realizing it, Sherlock had put one arm around his sobbing friend to which John leaned into gratefully. Sherlock remained silent. He used his free hand to take the album out of John’s fingers and move it to his side in order to make room for a larger embrace. John shifted and rested his tired head into Sherlock’s neck. Soon he was completely surrounded by the larger man’s arms and body. Sherlock hoped John didn’t notice his now racing heart and kept his body still as to not disturb John. He didn’t know how long this would last, but he knew for certain that he never wanted it to stop.


	4. A New Day

Sherlock woke to the sound of John’s back cracking as he stood from the hard floor they had evidently slept on the night before. Sherlock blinked a few times to clear his sleepy vision. John was picking up his wedding album and placing it on his shelf when he noticed the taller man making similar sounds as he made his way towards the kitchen. “Sherlock,” John said and then paused. Sherlock stopped himself from exiting the room and turned towards John. “Um… could you make me a cuppa?” Sherlock nodded and continued out. John rubbed his eyes as he thought about the previous night. It was the first one he’d slept through since Mary died. He winced as if thinking about Mary being dead caused him physical pain. The high pitched sound of the kettle snapped him out of it.

The two flat mates sat drinking silently. Sherlock was back trying to catch up on the experiment that he had abandoned during the night. John was reading the paper and looking up every so often at his friend. After last night he truly felt that Sherlock was his friend again. Not quite ready to open up to him, John quickly said, “Thanks for, um…” He had trouble coming up with the right words. “Not a problem,” returned Sherlock. In attempt to escape awkwardness, John responded with a joke which under the circumstances seemed like a miracle. “Glad Mrs. Hudson didn’t see us.” Sherlock replied with, “People would talk.” John let out a small laugh, much more lighthearted than last time, and Sherlock smiled.

It did not take long for his face to drop when Sherlock realized that in just three days, John would be reunited with his daughter. After last night, John’s spirits seemed to be elevated and Sherlock did not want to ruin it. He kept his know it all comments to himself and did his best to refrain from going on a case. If he left, John might spiral down and he wouldn’t be around to get him out of it. If he asked John to join him on the case, he might accuse Sherlock of being selfish resulting in a backwards step in their relationship. Sherlock could have none of that, so instead he kept to his experiments and monitored John’s mood. John showered, watched telly and seemed to be relatively okay until he reached his hand inside his pocket, unexpectedly finding a wrapper of a tootsie roll. They were Mary’s favorite candy and John had picked it up from the shop as a treat the night she died. John stared at the wrapper for what seemed like hours to Sherlock but in reality was only a few minutes. He held the small piece tightly in his hand while placing it back in his pocket. John cleared his throat a bit and stared straight at the television although it was clear his mind was somewhere else.

As the day carried on John refused dinner and retired into his bedroom. Sherlock wondered if he should check on John before running out to grab some microscope slide he left at St. Barts. After pacing back and forth for several minutes, Sherlock worked up the courage to knock on John’s door. “Come in,” said a voice. Sherlock opened the door and saw John lying in bed with tear stained cheeks. “I, uh, just wanted to know if you needed anything. I’m going to St. Bart’s and could pick something up if you want.” It was two thirty in the morning. Sherlock realized how stupid his question was at such an hour. John ignored it and said, “I can’t sleep…” Sherlock responded with “I could stop at the pharmacy for-“ “Without you,” interrupted John. Sherlock stood in John’s doorway like a statue. John feeling embarrassed for admitting such a thing said, “Never mind, I don’t need anything.” Sherlock walked towards John, “No, it’s fine John.” John moved over leaving enough room for Sherlock who was still fully dressed from the day that had past hours ago. While lying next to each other and unsure of what to do next, Sherlock put his arm around John to mimic their position from the night before. John closed his eyes and whispered “She saved me when I lost you.” Sherlock’s heart began to race again as he held his best friend. He responded softly, “I’m here now.”


	5. Epiphany

The next two nights were much like the previous ones except Sherlock no longer paced the halls gathering courage to knock on John’s door. Instead it was left cracked open and when Sherlock felt John was settled into bed, he would follow shortly to comfort his friend. However; Friday night was different. It was the last night before John and Mary’s baby would be joining them in 221b. Her crib was set up nicely beside John’s bed and the flat had been completely baby proofed.

After getting into comfortable clothes, Sherlock joined John in bed and held him close.

“She’s coming home tomorrow,” whispered John.

“I know,” replied Sherlock.

J: “You’ll be back in your own bed then.”

SH: “I don’t have to be.” Sherlock held John tighter.

John shifted out from Sherlock’s arm and looked at him.

J: “We can’t keep sleeping together. I have a baby to take care of.” John’s voice started to crack. “I had a wife Sherlock. I loved her very much and I still do. I’m grateful for your comfort these past few nights but…” His voice trailed off.

Sherlock avoided John’s eyes and tried to understand. Of course I can’t keep sleeping with him, he thought. He realized then that he wasn’t just there for John. It was something he had been longing for himself. When he held John close to him he felt safe and warm. For once he could calm his thoughts and just be happy. Sherlock had wondered why his heart raced so fast every time John’s body touched his. He knew he wasn’t ready to let John go. It seemed just being flat mates wasn’t good enough anymore. He had felt what it was like to have someone close mentally and physically, and he wasn’t ready to lose him. Sherlock suddenly overwhelmed sat up and looked away from John. What was he feeling and why did it hurt so much? John said Mary had taught him how to love again. Sherlock had assumed that John had loved him at some point, even if not in a romantic way. Sherlock knew that love was a disadvantage, just look at what it did to John this past month. But was it possible that he was experiencing it himself?

J: “Sherlock, what’s wrong? You knew she was coming to live with us, I thought you were okay with it.”

SH: Sherlock breathed slowly. “I am fine with your daughter living here.”

J: John sat up and found Sherlock’s eyes. They were holding back tears. John’s eyes widened with concern. “What’s wrong Sherlock?”

Sherlock had just realized himself what he was feeling and could not possibly think of a way to say it to John, who had suddenly lost his sad and heavy look and replaced it with the caring yet serious face of a doctor. Sherlock dropped his head slightly which caused his forehead to touch John’s. The doctor remained still and steady looking for an answer on Sherlock’s face.

J: “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

John put his hand to Sherlock’s cheek and brushed away a fallen tear with his thumb. Then, in a brief moment of bravery and panic, Sherlock leaned further into his hand and pressed his lips against John’s. The slight touch was soft and gentle. John initially attempted to protest but couldn’t help but close his eyes and return his friend’s warm kiss. John wrapped his arms around Sherlock begging to be held. Sherlock obliged and reached his hand behind John’s head while wrapping his other arm around his back. Their gentle kiss became hard and wanting. Sherlock moved his tongue past their lips and connected it with John’s. All of this was new to him and he didn’t know how to stop.

John, needing companionship kissed back feverishly. He pushed Sherlock down on the bed and worked his way to Sherlock’s neck. He stopped for a moment, catching his heavy breath, “Sherlock,” he breathed. “I’m not…” Sherlock kissed his head and whispered softly, “I love you.” John could not keep his lips from Sherlock any longer. He pressed them into Sherlock’s neck, biting until he heard Sherlock’s breath become rapid and an unavoidable moan escape his throat. John pulled off Sherlock’s t-shirt exposing his thin, pale, yet attractive complexion. It took all of two seconds for his tongue to reach Sherlock’s nipple. He sucked and used his hand to flick and pinch the other. Sherlock was moaning and calling out John’s name, unaware of what pleasure John was capable of bringing to him. John was experienced with sex but unfamiliar with the sensitivity of Sherlock’s virgin body which was also the first male skin he had touched in such a way. Uncertain about how much longer he could keep his own body waiting, John thrust his waist against Sherlock’s creating a mutual moan from the two men. Their growing erections rubbed each other through their fabrics creating a friction that would put them both over the edge soon. John returned to Sherlock’s mouth and kissed him anxiously until he could no longer control his lips. He buried his face into Sherlock’s neck as his hips sent Sherlock into a blinding orgasm. Hearing the pleasure escape Sherlock made John’s orgasm follow shortly. They lay their trying to catch their breath while ignoring the mess they left in each other’s pants. Eventually they returned to their nightly position with John wrapped in Sherlock’s arms where they slept soundly.


	6. Denial

The next morning, Sherlock woke up to the sound of a shower. John, he thought. His buzzing phone brought him back to reality and he made his way out of John’s room to answer it.

SH: “Hello brother dear…”

M: “A bit chippy this morning are we? You do know today’s the day don’t you?

SH: “Day, what day?” Sherlock replied sarcastically.

M: “Today John’s baby comes home, and today you become second.”

SH: “I have absolutely no idea what that means.”

M: “Face it Sherlock, John is going to have little time for you and your cases now that his own child will be around.”

SH: “Yes, thank you for your input Mycroft but I have a dissolved ear to attend to.”

M: “I’ll be hearing from you soon brother mine.”

Sherlock hung up the phone and got himself washed up. Of course things would have to change now that there would be a baby around, he thought. But after last night Sherlock knew he was higher on John’s list than Mycroft was aware of. Sherlock smiled. He loved the idea that he was one step ahead of his brother.

After a quick wash, Sherlock headed to his microscope and waited for John. He was inexperienced with sex, and relationships for that matter, so he thought it best to see how John reacted before trying anything himself. Several minutes later, John, who was freshly shaven and fully dressed, sat down at the table paying little attention to Sherlock. A bit disappointed, Sherlock went back to cleaning off his slides.

J: “Sherlock?”

Sherlock picked his head up and looked directly at John.

SH: “Yes, John?” He kept an even tone trying to hide his anticipation.

J: “I think we need to talk about last night.”

SH: “Yes, I think that would be… good.” Sherlock still hoped John would take the lead. He had no idea what he was supposed to say.

J: “Sherlock, I meant it when I said we can’t keep sleeping together.” Sherlock was frozen and waited for John to continue, hoping this wasn’t what it sounded like. “I know this past week has been different between me and you. I have been vulnerable and in need of companionship. Seeing as you are my best friend, I accepted it from you, but last night I took it too far. We both know I am not gay, and that I shouldn’t have turned your comfort into something else. It was a mistake and I am sorry if I made you think-“

SH: “I understand.” Sherlock, unable to bare anymore of what John was telling him, pressed his face into his microscope, in hopes of masking his shattering defense.

J: “My daughter will be here soon, my responsibility is to take care of her. I don’t want you to worry about taking care of me anymore. Mrs. Hudson said she would watch the baby if I were to go on cases with you. I think that is probably a good idea.”

SH: “Yes, fine. Molly requires my assistance at St. Bart’s so I will see you and your daughter later.” Sherlock grabbed his coat and made his way out of 221b without as much as a glance towards John.


	7. Fatherhood

That night, Sherlock came home to a bouncing baby smiling up at him. John had gone in the kitchen to prepare formula, so she was excited to see someone giving her attention. Sherlock stared down at the big blue eyes looking up at him. She really does look like Mary, he thought. “Could you put her in her high chair, we are about to eat,” came a voice from the kitchen. Sherlock puffed out a breath and reached down for the baby. He held her at almost arm’s length to avoid the drool lingering down her chin. John laughed, “You needn’t hold her like she’s some sort of alien Sherlock. Want some leftover takeaway?” Sherlock placed his goddaughter in her chair and made his way out. “Not hungry.” he answered. Sherlock headed to his bedroom and remembered the previous night. He had told John he loved him. He’d never told that to anyone. Sherlock knew for certain it was something he’d never tell anyone again.

After a long day of changing diapers and watching Sesame Street, John brought his daughter into his room for bed. As he lay her in the now stable crib, he said “You’re so beautiful, just like your mother.” His voice trailed off. A sinking feeling returned to him and he kissed his baby goodnight before letting out a deep and shaky breath. As he lay in bed he couldn’t help but touch the empty space next to him. God did he hate how dependent he had become on someone else to fall asleep. John thought about his late wife sharing a bed with him, but soon remembered the nights from the past week. He couldn’t help but want his comfort. No, John thought. Think of Mary, not him. Finally John calmed his thoughts and drifted off…

Suddenly, there was a soft, warm touch on John’s neck which brought out a low humming sound from his throat. It felt as if lips were trailing down his neck and body. He smiled knowing who was making him feel so good. The wandering lips soon made their way to John’s hardening extremity. He felt a warm, wet sensation around him causing his breath to hitch. “Mary,” he sighed. John slightly opened his eyes as he held onto the intruder below him. To his surprise, John saw his fingers entangled in dark curls. A face looked up at him. It was Sherlock pleasuring him. John stared down at the man sucking and licking him and knew he couldn’t last much longer, he was about to -

“Whaaa!” John sat up awake. He looked around and concluded that he had been dreaming. He shook his head and rubbed his eyes trying to wake up and ignore the thoughts he was having about his flat mate. After tending to his baby, John concluded that it would be best to stay away from Sherlock Holmes for the day. A nice day at Regents Park with his daughter would be good for clearing his thoughts and getting his life back on track.

John had been relaxing at the park with his daughter for about an hour, day dreaming of what it would be like if Mary were there right now. Feeling himself start to become upset he turned to his baby and said, “How about a game, yeah?” John proceeded to place his hands over his eyes only to move them and say “Peekaboo!” His daughter laughed and then looked around as her father’s face was once again covered. “Peekaboo!” He returned. John smiled and once again put his hands over his face. As he opened them he said, “Peeka Sherlock?” Behind his baby were two long legs, followed by an extensive coat and blue scarf standing over them.

SH: “Sorry to interrupt, John. Lestrade called, we have a case.” John Stood up.

J: “You have a case Sherlock, I’m out with my daughter.”

SH: “Mrs. Hudson gladly volunteered to watch the baby. Lestrade only has a day left to solve it, or it will be considered cold and be put away with all the other forgotten cases.” John stared at him, unmoved. “They’re offering a thousand quid.” John thought for a moment.

J: “Fine, Sherlock, but only because I need the money if I am ever going to get my own place.”

The words struck Sherlock hard and he attempted to continue on with his confident tone, although he could feel it slipping. After leaving his baby in the care of Mrs. Hudson, John went with Sherlock to crack the case and collect his reward. Sherlock didn’t care about the money of course, and insisted John take all of it. It was almost like old times. Dashing through alley ways and uncovering clues. The end of the case was like many from the doctor and detective’s past. They went to Angelo’s to eat what was likely their only meal of the day.

Angelo: “Ah, Sherlock and John! Haven’t seen you two in a while. I brought a candle for the table.” John rolled his eyes. “Anything on the menu, free of charge.” He smiled and left them to their menus.

J: “It felt good to get back on the street, solving crimes.” John’s face was full of excitement and surprisingly joy.

SH: “Perhaps you should come out on more cases… like old times.”

J: “I have a daughter to take care of remember? I can’t be risking my life with you every day like we used to.

SH: “Of course.”

John couldn’t deny that today was the best he’s had since he lost Mary. Maybe even before that. He hated to admit such a thing, but solving crimes had become a distant memory once John had a family to think about. He missed Mary everyday but couldn’t help but feel somewhat relieved after today, and Sherlock noticed. He saw that wide eyed look John had after their first case together. A Study in Pink, what a ghastly title he thought.  
J: “Sherlock, hello!”

SH: Sherlock snapped out of his thoughts suddenly. “Sorry, what?”

J: “I said, we should go. I want to see my daughter so I can put her to bed. God knows how many high pitched lullabies she’s had to endure from Mrs. Hudson by now.”

Sherlock hailed a cab and they headed back to 221b. Once John had his daughter back in his arms, he brought her to bed and tucked her in sweetly. “I hope you had a good day luv. Don’t tell anyone, but your dad spent the day running around London tracking down criminals. And I mean, running. Sherlock had me speeding through crowds, bumping into everyone. I nearly ran out of breath several times, but Sherlock never seems to get tired when the game is on.” He smiled as his baby closed her tired eyes and breathed calmly. Before heading to bed himself, John went to the kitchen to grab a glass of water.

SH: “You really should think about joining me on cases again.” Sherlock sat at the table going through unsolved crimes.

J: “CHRIST Sherlock, you scared me!”

SH: “Sorry about that, thought you would have seen me.”

J: “I should have known you wouldn’t be going to bed, and I told you I’m done with solving crimes.”

SH: “You were more awake, more excited and happier than you’ve been in weeks, don’t deny it. You’ve missed this.”

John stayed quiet for a while and started walking towards his room.

J: “Once a month. I’ll do a case a month and that’s it.”

SH: “Agreed.”

As John left for bed, Sherlock couldn’t help but flash a wide smile across his face. If he couldn’t have John intimately, at least they could be partners again. It wasn’t perfect, but it was something.


	8. Coming to Terms

Weeks passed and many of the days were good, but there were bad ones too. Some nights Sherlock could hear John whisper to his daughter how much he missed her mother and that she knew all the right things to say and do. John would cry and try to ignore how much he needed his friend with him. A couple of times Sherlock went to knock on his door, but he knew John didn’t want him there. Even worse, Sherlock believed that if he was to sleep with John again, he would need more and more, something John clearly did not want.

One morning, like several others, John woke up sweating and panting. He had come out of his room for some water and Sherlock had noticed his friend’s restless state. “Nightmare?” Sherlock asked. John nodded and went back to his room. He couldn’t admit to Sherlock that it wasn’t nightmares that he was having, but dreams. Hot, passionate, sex filled dreams about himself and his best friend. John was ashamed that it wasn’t Mary he dreamed about, it was just Sherlock. Sherlock kissing him, stroking him, holding him and everything else John could think of. This had to stop he thought as he tried to even his breath. He looked over at the crib beside him. Still sleeping.

John looked down to see his morning erection standing and aching to be touched. He made his way to the shower and undressed. Once inside he grasped his cock and pulled it lightly, then harder and faster. John could barely control himself and then finally released his orgasm. “Jeeesus, Sherlock,” was all he could say. He leaned his head against the shower wall and tried to compose himself. Tears streamed down his face evenly with the hot shower water. Why was he feeling this way? “I love you Mary,” he whispered, “but I think I love him too.”

Later that day, Sherlock had gone out on a case and would likely be home very late. John spent the afternoon with his daughter and thought about how or if he would tell Sherlock what he was feeling. Sherlock had once told him that he loved him. John felt guilty for ignoring that. He realized how difficult it must have been for Sherlock, who he invited into his bedroom, opened up to him, and returned that trust with rejection. He didn’t know how he could ever make that up to him, but he knew for sure that he needed Sherlock more than anyone else.

The detective came home late as expected. John was sitting in his chair and saw a thin and tired Sherlock walk towards his bedroom.

J: “Sherlock?”

SH: “Oh, hello John. Didn’t see you there.”

J:” Sherlock, when was the last time you ate?”

Sherlock looked at him quizzically.

SH: “I’m fine, John.”

J: “Sit down, I’ll make you some eggs. It’s all we have at the moment, aside from baby food.”

Sherlock did as he was told and watched the doctor cook him dinner.

SH; “I found a case I think you’d be interested in. By my count it’s been a month and one week since you last took one.”

J: “Hmmm… I’ll take a look at it in the morning.”

John served up a large plate of eggs and a cup of tea in front of his flat mate.

J: “Eat all of it Sherlock. I won't have you starving yourself resulting in me receiving angry calls from Mycroft."

Sherlock let out a small laugh.

SH: “Understood."

Unsure of what else to say and feeling suddenly less confident about admitting his feelings towards his friend, John cleaned up and headed towards his bedroom.

J:”Goodnight Sherlock.”

SH: “Goodnight John.”


	9. Confessions

After returning home from his second case since moving back to Baker Street, John was in good spirits. He and Sherlock managed to dismantle a terrorist plot against English parliament.

J: “You think people would know by now that we have parliament protected.”

SH: “We do?”

J: “Well we’ve saved it several times from getting blown up, might as well quit trying.”

They both laughed and headed inside. John brought his daughter upstairs and held her close. “I missed you luv,” he told her. She stared at him wide eyed and happy to see her dad. She had been mumbling a few sounds here and there but hadn’t pronounced any definitive words yet. John got her ready for bed and began placing her in the crib when he heard “Ma…” “What was that sweetheart?” Silence. “Come on, one more time for me?” She looked up at him and said “Ma… ma.” John held his daughter close to him and tried to hold back tears. “Yes, mama, I miss her too.” He kissed her soft forehead and tucked her in. “You dream all about your mama okay? Think about her warm hugs and her sweet smell.” Soon his daughter was fast asleep, and John was left undone.

He let out a small cry and tried to catch his breath. A few moments later he heard three knocks. John cleared his throat and opened the door. Sherlock was handing him his mobile and said “You forgot your… John, what’s wrong?” John stepped outside his room and closed the door as to not disturb his daughter.

J: “She said mama.” Tears began falling down John’s face.

Sherlock was unsure of what to say, but remembered how John had comforted him when he was crying. Sherlock lifted up his hand to hold John’s face and wiped the tears gently with his thumb.

SH: “I’m sorry John.”

John took a deep breath and wanted to fall into his friend’s arms. Out of fear and uncertainty he gave Sherlock a small smile and went back into his room shutting the door, shutting out Sherlock. John prepared himself for bed knowing it would be a long night. He doubted he’d get any sleep and opted to watch his daughter peacefully rest. Her small body rose and fell with each tiny breath. “She saved me you know?” John whispered. “Your mum brought me back when I was lost. Your godfather had gone and I was all alone. I cried and cried until your mother came and cheered me up. Now she’s gone and I am lost again, but I’m not alone. This time I have you.” John saw his baby twitch slightly and then fall back asleep. “The thing is, Sherlock is here too. I have him back. He won’t replace your mother, but he is the piece I’ve been missing.” John smiled to his daughter and to himself. No more being scared, he thought.


	10. It Wasn’t a Mistake

After setting up the baby monitor and bringing one along with him, John made his way into the hallway and towards the detective’s room. He took a deep breath. This time it was his turn to knock on his flat mate’s door. He knocked three times and was met with Sherlock who looked attentive yet slightly confused.

SH: “John, is everything alright?”

J: “Yes, um, may I come in?”

Sherlock stepped aside allowing the doctor into his room. He watched John as he sat on the edge of his bed motioning for his friend to join him. Sherlock waited for John to get his thoughts together.

J: “I wanted to apologize.”

SH: “For what?” Sherlock stared directly into John, trying to figure out exactly what John thought he needed to tell him so urgently and so late at night.

J: “I shouldn’t have shut you out. I needed you so badly, and I still do. That last night we spent together, it wasn’t a mistake…” John paused for a moment. “I got scared. I lost you once and that feeling still haunts me. I feel guilty that I could love someone so soon after Mary, but I realize it was Mary I loved after you.”

John felt a lump in his throat and turned his head as tears began to fall. It takes a while for Sherlock to process everything. In any other circumstance this would have been an awkward amount of silence, but John waited patiently for Sherlock’s response.

SH: “You… love me?” John looked up at Sherlock with heavy eyes.

J: “Yes, of course I love you Sherlock.” Tears streamed down his face. Sherlock looked affectionately towards John.

SH: “Then let me take care of you.”

At that moment, Sherlock felt his confidence return. He leaned down to where John’s lips met with his. This time there was no protest. A warm sensation filled John’s body and he returned Sherlock’s kiss passionately. He opened Sherlock’s mouth with his own and intertwined their tongues. Sherlock let out a small moan and pushed John forward until he was lying on the bed.

SH: “You’re sure about this John?”

John looked up at him with adoring eyes. He pulled Sherlock down to a welcoming kiss. Soon their breath became heavy and they held onto as much of each other as they could. Their kisses become hard and fast. “I need you,” John moaned. Sherlock remembered how John had kissed his neck and Sherlock thought this was a good a time as any to try it out himself. His lips reached John’s neck and were returned with a warm humming sound. Sherlock took this as a response to go further. He grazed his teeth against the doctor’s neck as he reached down to remove his shirt. He carefully lifted it over John’s head and worked his way downward. He wanted to kiss every inch of him. John watched and sucked in his breath as his friend, now lover, brushed his hand against his growing erection. Sherlock sucked on John’s nipple while unbuttoning his trousers. Once undone, Sherlock moved downward to free what was underneath. Sherlock paused for a moment admiring how big John was. “Please Sherlock, don’t stop now.” He needed no further encouragement. Sherlock held the base of John while licking, then sucking the top.” Oh, god Sherlock!” John couldn’t control his hips from pushing himself further into Sherlock’s mouth. He took him deep into his throat. John watched as Sherlock’s head bobbed up and down below him. He dug his fingers into his dark curls. “Wait, please!” John stopped him. Sherlock’s face was flush and filled with desire. “I want all of you,” John just barely got the words out from his faltering breath.

Sherlock returned to John’s mouth and kissed him roughly. John held onto the larger man and flipped him over so that he now had control. “We need to get rid of these,” John smiled as he undressed Sherlock as quickly as possible. Sherlock became nervous with anticipation. He’s never gone this far before and the thought of John pleasuring him got his heart racing. John saw the panicked look on Sherlock. “Just relax, I’ve got you,” John said in a calming tone. Sherlock nodded and smiled as john washed away his nerves with a sweet kiss. John began moving down his body slowly, paying attention to every detail. “You’re bloody gorgeous” he said as he licked and sucked Sherlock’s nipple. Sherlock’s breath was heavy and he clenched his fists as john created new sensations throughout him. “I love how sensitive you are,” John continued down his body and took Sherlock’s whole cock in his mouth. Sherlock moaned and let out sounds he didn’t know he was capable of. The hot, wet feeling was almost too much for him. “John… I’m going to…” John slowed down allowing Sherlock to take control of himself again. As he tried to catch his breath he let out what sounded almost like a whimper, “More, please John.”

John crawled back up Sherlock and looked into his eyes. “Are you sure you’re ready?” Sherlock put his hand against John’s face. “I’m sure,” he said. Sherlock reached into his drawer and took out a small bottle. Of course he’s prepared, thought John. He wet his finger with the cool liquid and bent down to continue kissing Sherlock. John reached down and slid his finger into him. Sherlock winced and tried to relax. John slowly removed his finger and pushed it in again. Sherlock was tight and John wanted him like mad. Once Sherlock had calmed himself, John inserted another finger. He stretched Sherlock further making him groan. A third finger entered him and Sherlock let out a cry in pleasure. “Good,” whispered John, “I found your prostate.” He pushed his spot again three more times. “I’m ready, please John!” Sherlock was begging him. John was hot with desire. He slicked himself and slowly pushed his cock into Sherlock. They moaned together. John moved in and out, making love to Sherlock, kissing him when possible, and doing everything he could not to finish right then and there. “More,” Sherlock persisted. John took himself out to turn Sherlock over. He pushed back into Sherlock with more freedom to move quicker and harder. John held onto Sherlock’s hips and pounded into him. “John!” Sherlock yelled and moaned. He wasn’t sure if he could take it this way. John leaned over him and grabbed onto his cock. John continued his speed inside Sherlock and with his hand. As desire and passion ran through him, his grief and guilt for Mary mixed with his love and lust for Sherlock. John felt himself losing control as his climax began rising. “I’m close John,” Sherlock just barely managed to get the words out. A warm liquid released on John’s hand and Sherlock’s stomach. It wasn’t long before John’s orgasm would follow. “Sherlock!” John let himself go.

He collapsed breathless and exhausted on top of his lover. A few moments later and John gathered himself.

J: “I’m sorry. I lost control.”

Sherlock laid beneath him trying to collect his breath and voice. John adjusted himself so that they were facing each other.

J: “Did I hurt you?” John moved Sherlock’s curls behind his ear.

SH: “I’m alright,” Sherlock barely to get his words out. He held John close to him. “Are you okay John?”

J: “Yes.” John held onto Sherlock as tightly as he could.

SH: “You need to make your peace with her.”

J: “I will. I promise.” John rested his head in Sherlock’s neck like he did their first night together. “I love you,” he whispered. A warm wave rushed over Sherlock and he smiled.

SH: “I love you too John.” They both drifted off to sleep holding each other close.


	11. Peace

A small shift in the bed and Sherlock was awake. His sleepy eyes saw John making his way out of bed. He caught John’s arm and looked at him questioningly. “Don’t worry,” John said in a calming voice. He showed Sherlock the baby monitor. “She’s up.” Sherlock relaxed and watched as the doctor dressed himself and made his way out of the room. He couldn’t believe everything that had happened the night before. All of it was stored safely in his mind palace for future use. It was a night he never wanted to forget.

After washing up, Sherlock made his way into the kitchen where he found tea and eggs ready for him. He looked towards the living room and saw John putting his daughter into her stroller. “Going out?” He said inquisitively. John walked over to Sherlock and met his lips with a warm kiss. Sherlock opened his eyes and saw John smiling at him. “Eat up Sherlock, I’ll be back soon.” “Where are you going?” Sherlock couldn’t help but be disappointed that he wouldn’t get to spend the morning with his new boyfriend? Lover? Partner? He didn’t know what to call him, but he knew John was his and he was John’s. “It’s time I made my peace,” was all John said. Sherlock smiled at him and sat down to eat breakfast. Doctor’s orders, he thought.

John pushed the stroller to a place he rarely visited. In the past it had only made him upset and left him struggling to get back to reality. However; he knew that for the sake of his relationship with Sherlock, he had to speak to his wife. John set up a small blanket in front of Mary’s grave and sat down with their daughter. He laid down the flowers he picked up on the way over and took a deep breath. “You can come here whenever you like to visit your mother okay?” He held their baby and placed a tootsie roll on the stone. “These were her favorites. We’ll bring her some whenever we visit.” John traced his fingers against the word Mary. “She looks so much like you, you know?” He paused. “I’m sorry I haven’t been to see you in a while. There’s not a day goes by that I don’t think of you. I love you so much and-“ John steadied his voice. “And you will always be in my heart no matter what.” After another brief pause John continued. “I came to the conclusion that I love Sherlock too. I think you always knew that though. You were so smart and always a step ahead of everyone.” John kissed his baby’s head. “Mama,” She said. “Yes luv, your mama is here.” He sat there with his daughter for a while until he felt it was time to go home, to Baker Street.

John made his way up the stairs of 221b and put his baby down for a nap. He found Sherlock looking at him from the doorway, waiting to see if John had truly decided to be with him. John stepped towards him and embraced Sherlock in a warm and inviting hug. He rested his head on the taller man’s chest and said, “I’m home.” Sherlock returned the feeling and closed his eyes. “I love you John.” John smiled. “I love you too Sherlock.”


End file.
